So here I am, once again, in all attempts to put my laziness at bay and get back to writing! I know I know...since December I have been away from my blog and to me, it almost seemed like I'll never write again!...Christmas and New Year's was great...and so was the first month of 2014! (What with a long holiday and lottsa parties and loadsa hangouts!)...and more than often, while I've been grooving to the music or laughing irresistibly, the thought of writing for my blog flashes in my mind! Those well- acquainted regretful sentiments come leaping from within, leaving me concerned...
Of course there are times, when emotions get the better of me...the longing to express myself through written words seems more explicable than speech. However...in the past two months a few attempts have take shape in the form of scribbles saved in my drafts...as I read them later, the words which seemed so meaningful before, suddenly doesn't seem art worthy anymore!
There are these thoughts...the ones which are always there within you, they've been there for God knows how long, the ones which rests in your mind for a split second but then jiffy!...they are gone and forgotten soon!...
But at times when I sit in my living room in the evening, sipping my evening coffee, after a hard day's work, these thoughts come rushing back!...thoughts never been thoroughly thought upon, never been invested time on, never been action-ed upon!!!
I don't believe everything happens for a reason. But I still search for reasons anyway..
When I walk my way to work early morning, the sight of the street dog's fresh waste on the roads, their constant barking and running around makes me nauseatic, scared!...Pardon me here I'm no animal hater however I am equally keen to breathe my mornings in a relatively fresher environment! I immediately decide to write to the Municipality in the evening after I get home...however, at a later time, a different set of preoccupations get the better of me...and the work never gets done!
I have always longed to click a family photograph of all my six aunts, four uncles and all my cousins and capture the moments of togetherness...but sadly the thought generally re-occurs after the get together is over and I'm left sulking everafter...#sigh
Sometimes there are days when I catch oddly behaving people on the roads, ready to cause harm to women passer-bys anytime, waiting and looking for opportunities to strike...I look at them and think, should I walk towards them and slap them? Should I attract attention of the other passer bys? The crisis is over, no harm is caused eventually and soon I find myself busy attending to the other important things in life! However I know that although the immediate situation is under control, the problem remains uncured and mostly unattended to! I shudder at the thought...resorting to do something about this! But there again...urgency when over, seldom creates the pressure to act!!!
Learning a western classical form of dance has always been my want and I'm sure I share this want with many of you there! Believe me I have gone as far as listing down the names of all the dance class schools, their timings and charges but I've still not been able to enrol myself into any of them yet! #shameful
Similarly the intention of joining a baking class has always been there...but the trickles of regret seeps in only during Christmas and New Years'! Hmmm....
There are so many such streams of thoughts I catch...unaware...like a heap of convoluted threads constantly winding and unwinding. Instances and circumstances leave a trail in the mind and the impulse to do something erupts, only to be overshadowed by another set of convictions, a little while later!
Sometimes the failure of acting on them makes me melancholic...a hint of regret mixed with the exasperation "How could I forget?"...but then my reflection says, "Life's like that I suppose...You cannot do everything you think you'd do and you want to do, together, all at the same time!"
And that makes me a little despondent...a little restless...
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of being a WallFlower
